What is low self-esteem, really?
Low self-esteem constitutes an inaccurate self-perception
If you harbour low self-esteem, you are likely undervaluing yourself. This epitomises the concept of low self-esteem. A surge in self-esteem occurs when there is an augmented awareness of one's true self, reminiscent of the transformation undergone by the ugly duckling in Hans Christian Andersen's well-known renowned tale, who had to grasp its genuine nature for fulfilment. Similarly, envision a talented artist who consistently downplays their creative abilities, attributing any success to luck rather than acknowledging their genuine talent. Identifying indicators of excessively diminished self-esteem involves recognising such patterns in one's thoughts and behaviours.
But how do you tell if your self-esteem is too low?
Signs and symptoms of low self-esteem
Maintaining a healthy self-esteem doesn't entail unconditional self-love regardless of our actions. Feelings of shame, guilt, and self-reproach are appropriate responses when our behaviour is negative. The distinction lies in individuals with genuine low self-esteem experiencing these emotions even when their conduct is not inherently problematic.
Individuals characterised by authentic low self-esteem typically engage in self-destructive behaviours, directing harsh treatment inward rather than toward others. So ask yourself, do you feel:
Do you possess less attractiveness than the majority of people, suggesting that you are less physically appealing?
Are you less morally upright than the majority of people?
Do you feel less intelligent than others?
Why should anyone love you?
Refusing to invest in oneself or personal appearance due to a sense of undeservingness.
Your opinions aren't as valid as other people's opinions.
Your lack of self-confidence is hindering you from pursuing what you truly desire in life.
If you feel you have low self-esteem, here are five things that will help.
1) Don't spread bad stuff about yourself
For instance, constantly criticising your own abilities or appearance, saying things like "I'm always so incompetent" or "I look terrible," can significantly impact your self-esteem. Such negative self-talk reinforces a distorted perception of oneself and can contribute to a cycle of diminishing confidence. Over time, these harmful statements may influence your beliefs about your worth and capabilities, potentially limiting your willingness to take on challenges or pursue your goals. Positive self-affirmations and constructive self-talk, on the other hand, can contribute to a healthier self-esteem and a more resilient mindset.
Next: What do you really think?
2) Look to see why you feel this way.
Low self-esteem often stems from external influences shaping our perceptions. If you've consistently faced insults, criticism, or bullying, you're likely to have internalised these negative messages from others. Reflect on the identity of these individuals, and when you experience self-doubt, inquire, "Whose voice is influencing my thoughts?" It's probable that these negative narratives were initially someone else's. Initiating the process of challenging external conditioning is the initial stride toward psychological independence. The authentic 'you,' a voice that is kinder and more rational about yourself, emerges as you begin to assert control over the narratives that have shaped your self-perception.
3) Be fair to yourself and others
A tendency to amplify failures and personal flaws while downplaying or dismissing successes and strengths often accompanies low self-esteem. Resist this inclination. Strive for fairness. If others express positive views about your attractiveness, intelligence, kindness, or other qualities, show them the respect of acknowledging the possibility that their observations hold merit.
Persistently recalling and emphasising criticisms, while neglecting and disregarding compliments (or any positive feedback), represents a skewed and imbalanced approach to navigating through life.
4) Ditch the imperfect perfectionism
he notion that something is utterly useless unless it achieves perfection is a snare. Individuals with low self-esteem often tend to perceive things in extremely black-and-white terms, like labelling a family as "perfect" or oneself as "useless." Recognising that perfection is unattainable and no one is entirely without value is crucial.
To counter this destructive all-or-nothing thinking, consider a realistic scale. Imagine a spectrum where 100% represents perfection and 0% signifies "total failure" or being "totally useless." Evaluate your accomplishments, such as a meal you cooked or a speech you delivered, on this scale. Instead of categorising it as perfect or a disaster, assign a percentage—maybe 20%.
Now, reflect on that 20%. What contributed to it, and how can you incrementally build upon it, perhaps reaching 25%? This approach dismantles the perfection/disaster dichotomy that fuels and perpetuates low self-esteem.
5) Take care of your appearance
Low self-esteem sets off a harmful cycle. Negative feelings about ourselves often translate into neglecting personal grooming, fitness, or getting a decent haircut. However, disregarding our appearance can further contribute to low self-esteem. It's crucial to allocate time to care for your body—consider a massage or manicure. Invest in clothes that enhance your appearance. Recognise that these actions aren't superficial or irrelevant; changing external aspects can trigger positive transformations internally.
Take moments to close your eyes and envision yourself as fit, healthy, and well-dressed while engaging in something you can take pride in—whether it's confidently conversing with others or exuding calmness and relaxation. This visualisation exercise can be a powerful tool for fostering positive change within.
Healthy self-esteem consists of:
Genuine acknowledgment of your abilities, potentials, and value.
Awareness of your strengths with a confident trust in them.
Appreciation and open acceptance of your limitations.
Acknowledgment of these limitations with an understanding that some can be overcome.
Liberation from excessive concern about others' opinions. Recognise that external perceptions play a role in daily life but don't define your identity.
Remember: Just like a diamond, your worth remains intrinsic even if you might not fully recognise it.